*COFFIN HOP* H-Aye-Double Ell-Oh-Double You-Double Eee-En! *COFFIN HOP*

Danse MacabreΒ Click Here for accompanying music!

In the interest of fairly using the images below and not being sued for all the money I don’t have, clicking each costume will take you directly to the site where you can buy it! See, it’s actually free advertising πŸ™‚

 

WELCOME Boils and Ghouls! We are so pleased you could join us for the Coffin Hop. Over the next week, many talented professionals from the horror world will be doing what they can to terrify, amuse or entice you-all the while, offering contests and giveaways to make your Halloween special. I will be giving away a fun package consisting of an Ad Nauseam coffee mug, a signed copy of Dark Moon Presents Zombies! and other tokens of Halloween delight. Keep reading to find out how to enter!

 

*WARNING This post is not meant for sexy goth girls, strippers or hookers! You dress this way everyday*

 

 

 

Those familiar with this blog, know that this is the time when I start talking about what scares me or just plain pisses me off. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my friends, so today I’m going to chat with you about something that really chaps my ass about Halloween these days. This has always been my most sacred of all holidays, the most highly anticipated night of the year since I was a wee child. Candy and costumes, wandering around after dark on a school night with friends, dressing up as whatever monster or spook you could talk your mother into doing the makeup for. What’s not to love about Halloween? School parties where my own Mom would dress as the Bride of Frankenstein and hand out treats and cups of witch’s brew, complete with a cauldron boiling smoke fromΒ a chunk of dry ice. Even as a teen, when I was much too cool to go Trick-Or-Treating, I still enjoyed dressing up as a zombie and scaring the kids who knocked at my door. Never once have I bitched upon seeing the decorations show up in the stores, the way we do when we see Christmas lights in November. No “Are you kidding me? ALREADY?” I love Halloween. I really do.

 

I spent the usual amount of time on last year’s costume. A good deal of makeup, custom fangs and colored contacts though less blood than I would’ve liked, but hey, I work in a restaurant. The whole ensemble came across as a sort of New Orleans Voodoo Vampire Queen. It wasn’t as complex as the Zombie Prom Queen from the year before, but I was proud of it. Lou donned his coveralls (he even rolled on the garage floor for authenticity) and his deluxe Michael Myers mask and met me after my shift so we could go out to the bars for a few drinks and to take in all the other costumes. My delight turned sour the second we stepped foot in the first bar. Good God! I had to look twice to make sure I hadn’t wandered into the local strip club! Never in my life had I seen so many half naked women when there wasΒ frost on the ground! It was like Spring Break gone horribly wrong (more than usual even!). I quickly ran through every Halloween song I could remember, witches, ghosts, ghouls, vampires, but not a single one mentioned sluts! It is the season for horrors, not whores!

 

Before you all start thinking I’m hating on the hot chicks, I’m not. First of all, the majority of the naughty nurses, sexy cops and faux french maids that are running around, DO NOT look anything like these models. Oh no, there is no shortage of stuffed bras and cellulite riddled thighs on display. And once again, I am not hating on women who aren’t perfect. Hell, I’m not perfect. And now you will say I am trying to hate on women’s sexuality. Once again, no. I can get my freak on with the best of them! Just ask Captain Louie about his Saucey Wench, or better yet, don’t! It’s none of your damned business anyways πŸ™‚

 

I have no problem with women who have a healthy love of their bodies, celebrating their own sexiness, but why do they all think that Halloween is an excuse to dress like harlots? Even women who aren’t normally inclined to dress in such a manner, often come wandering in the door in little more than their underwear. I guess I’m a bit of a snob. I don’t see the problem with dressing sexy on Halloween, so long as your costume is at least scary. I have seen my share of erotic vampires and witches. I’m okay with those. I saw a gal dressed as a zombie once with the most impressive rotting bossom. Nothing wrong with that. Halloween can be sexy, heck yeah it can! But there are limits ladies. It’s not an excuse to wear your lingerie and nothing else. And the occasional playboy bunny or cheerleader is alright (actually, cheerleaders can be downright terrifying) but things are getting a bit overdone. Last year I visited 8 bars. EIGHT! And you know what? I was the only vampire. I counted one witch, NO damned zombies and not a single Jason Vorhees. What is this world coming to? The most irritating part was the fact that almost none of the men wore costumes at all! Why should they? They were just there for the parade of flesh, hoping to pick up an inebriated nurse or intoxicated cheerleader on their way out the door.

 

This is more than a rant. I have a practical purpose to my bitching. You could even call this a Public Service Announcement! There are some inherent dangers that come with this alarming trend. Forget for a moment that it’s October and you run the risk of freezing off your, um, goods.Β  But as you stumble towards the dancefloor with your randy partner too close behind, you are wearing a skirt so short that should you misstep in those stripper heels and stumble for even a second, he is certain to be ALL up in your business, ensuring that the only Halloween costume you will be purchasing next year will be size 0-3 months! And the most important thing? Anyone who knows anything about horror, knows that the first one to get killed when the slasher comes calling, is the gal in the slutty costume! When it comes down to Run Bitch, Run! you can’t, having traded in your more sensible shoes for 6 inch porn star stillettos and a skirt so short that if you bend over, you will show off your who-who. So one way or another, you’re screwed!

 

There are 364 other days of the year to dress like a slut. Well okay, 362 because no one does that shit on Christmas or Thanksgiving…then again, there’s Easter too. Okay so there’s LOTS of other occasions to dress as scantily as possible, most of them during the summer, but New Years Eve is always a cold weatherΒ option! If you want to make Halloween sexy, try a little witch dress or vamp gown. Leave the French Maid and the Naughty Nurse in the bedroom. Keep it scary, will ya? And be safe. If not, we will miss you when the killer mounts your head on a pike. Well, not so much us ladies, but I’m sure the guys will.

 

Now that you’ve read the blog, here’s where you sign up for the contest! All I ask of each of you is that you subscribe to my blog (not just the comments) and leave a comment below to let me know you did. That’s it and your name goes in the hat! Should you want a better chance at winning you can do as follows for extra entries into the pot: Follow me on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, Tweet a link to this blog (include my name @CWLaSart) or share one of my facebook posts! Don’t forget to include the extras you did in your comment! Thanks for stopping by and you can resume the Coffin Hop by clicking the picture to the left! Remember, the more sites you visit, the more FREE SHIT you could win! Stay scared my friends.~C.W. LaSart

81 Responses to “*COFFIN HOP* H-Aye-Double Ell-Oh-Double You-Double Eee-En! *COFFIN HOP*”

  • Moon:

    Subscribed…another good blog post. I have to agree. I also preferred to dress up in a great costume and scare the kids at the door πŸ™‚

  • I am so with you on the using Halloween to dress like a ho. And only about .5% of population can even wear these outfits! . My favorite Halloween was getting to dress like a zombie to be a haunted house guide back in collage. Now, I have to be a friendly witch so I don’t scare the little ones that come to the door. I go all out on my porch, dry ice in a kettle, fog machine, scary music and I give out the coolest shit on the block πŸ˜‰ like maggot mints, candy bracelets, plastic snakes, vampire teeth and chocolate (love Oriental Trading Co)

    thanks for the give away. I love free shit…;)

  • Oh my effin lordy-lord. That was FUNNY. And, by the way, I only dress that way when I go to church. We’re pretty contemporary.

  • PS I totally whored your post around. Friends share. πŸ˜€

  • Shellia:

    hehe I couldn’t figure out how to subscribe earlier, but I got it now πŸ˜€

  • I will stick with being a pirate for Halloween and avoid the sexy cop or French maid outfit (although I do think the French Maid get up is sort of cute…I’ll admit it, but figure the way the waist is cinched you’d have a good chance of having blood supply cut off to the lower extremities. So that’s right, you wouldn’t be able to run from Halloween monsters). πŸ™‚

    Happy Halloween, C.W.! And Happy Coffin Hopping!

    Julie

    • C.W. LaSart:

      All those little costumes are cute, for the bedroom πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the comment Julie, and Happy Halloween to you too, you little pirate you!

  • I follow you everywhere, because I know you’re waiting to sneak up and garrote me in my sleep because of my wanton and whorish ways, and because I have legs like a gazelle.

    I tweeted your warning to the skanks of the world here https://twitter.com/#!/AxelHow/status/128497761212563456

    Now keep up that Coffin Hop face and enjoy this week of slutty debauchery πŸ˜‰

  • Must admit, I did the French maid thing last year – mainly because I was lazy and couldn’t come up with a better costume!
    Right, I’m now subscribed to your blog, follow you on twitter, and have linked to this post from both facebook and twitter. I was a good little horror writer! πŸ˜‰

    • C.W. LaSart:

      Oh Joan! Say it isn’t so! Just kidding-my posts are meant to be mostly tongue in cheek anyway πŸ˜‰ I’m sure when I was 21, my skirt on my evil faerie costume was too short! Thanks for the comment and I will put you in the hat all those extra times!

  • Holler-ween is pretty much the only time I DON’T dress like a “ho”… ;-D

  • I think one has to dress for the event. If you’re doing an honest Halloween party, then the scarier the better in my opinion. However, there are a ton (okay 2, but in my scene that’s a ton) of fetish parties where scary isn’t exactly required. It all depends on who the audience is.

    Happy Halloween and happy Hopping!

    • C.W. LaSart:

      If you are going to a fetish party you go ahead and get your freak on. I was talking about visiting the average bar πŸ˜‰ You go to those parties don’t you! LOL-Happy Halloween and thanks for the comment.

  • Isn’t a costume a clue into the inner being of a person? Do they wish they could be a slut, a zombie, serial killer, a queen, Lady Gaga? Of course, I will dress as an angel this year.

  • Hiya. So I subscribed and I’m following you on Twitter and Facebook. Happy Coffin Hopping!

  • I subscribed! Better than that I followed and g+’d. I agree with your post wholeheartedly! I usually wear a witch costume, but then again I’m a Pagan so it comes naturally. Happy Samhain..er Halloween everyone!
    DeAnna

  • Yes, I am also disturbed by the rise in non-scary halloween costumes (including the humorous ones… although I don’t mind them as much). Personally, I will only dress up as something scary for Halloween (or at least gory… short of cash one year, I went out into a field, took some old barbed wire fence, snipped the points, wrapped it around myself, added some fake blood and went to a party as a “bike accident”)

    Subscribed to the blog. Happy hopping!

    Paul d. Dail
    http://www.pauldail.com- A horror writer’s not necessarily horrific blog

    • C.W. LaSart:

      That sounds like an awesome costume πŸ™‚ I really like original and thought provoking or vintage costumes. They make me smile. Not too many Munsters running around anymore! Thanks for the comment!

  • I don’t normally wear anything at Halloween. I find it’s the best way to keep people from knocking on your door. Joking. I wear a thong and nothing else. πŸ™‚ Now, when the hell can I read Ad Nauseam. I’m champing!

    • C.W. LaSart:

      Oh Craig! Now that’s scary πŸ˜‰ Ad Nauseam has been shifted to a January release-but it’s solid now. Thanks for the comment my fine, British friend!

  • I subscribed to your blog and followed you on Twitter a week ago. Does that still count? πŸ™‚

  • Sapphyria:

    Awesome post! I tend to not dress whorishly because I lack the proper bosom size to do such things…..Gotta love the magic Victoria Secret bras do to an A cup tho!.

    I’m a new follower!

    Saph
    saphsbookblog at gmail dot com

  • Great post, C. W. You had me in stitches. Well done! I hate to see women in very little clothing *lies*, so I join with you in solidarity *continues lying and hopes C. W. doesn’t notice*. *laughs*
    I have subscribed to your blog and happily hop on…
    Enjoy the week!

    -Jimmy

    • C.W. LaSart:

      MmmmHmmmm. I can tell you’re lying because your lips are moving…and you’re a man! LOL-thanks for the comment! Happy Halloween!

  • Yeah! Preach it! Going in your undies is sacrilege to Halloween!

  • Max:

    Twittered, followed, commented. I have done everything you ask. I even bought you a damn cookie, but then I ate it.

    You’re welcome.

    (also, it is times like this that I wish I had internet at my house…that was awkward viewing this page)

    • C.W. LaSart:

      The thought of you huddled over your computer in front of Starbucks like some wierd perv brings a smile to my face! Thanks Max!

  • I subscribed and tweeted your blog post!!

  • Jason Alberich:

    What a great blog with a really cool cover. I’m going as Jayne from Firefly on Halloween. He’s kind of a slut.

  • Kim:

    Great Post CW! Once again! Always enjoy your posts and could not agree more with you on this one than I already do. Agree: what do swanky outfits have to do with Halloween!
    (I already follow you on twitter)
    Just subscribed to your blog.
    – Kim

  • Your blog post sure made me giggle! Yes, I don’t quite get what naughty nurses and French maids have to do with Halloween.

    I’m all signed up for your giveaway by following your blog, following your Tweets, and retweeting this post!

    J.C.
    Coffin Hopper

    Read my Coffin Hop post HERE

  • Awesome post! Thank you for sharing and joining the blog hop.

    Subscribed, followed on FB, followed on Twitter, and Tweeted a blog link of yours.
    Looking forward to your blog posts.

    April

  • Boy, you’re good!
    great blog and are you smart!
    pleasure to hop over here.

  • I’m all for people dressing provocatively as long as it’s an appropriate venue. Like you know, a bar…

    That’s the fun of the holiday. You get to be whatever you want for a night without the risk of being judged too harshly. Personally, I use the entire month leading up to Halloween just to be outwardly more myself. I get to watch more horror films, eat monster cereal, and wear my Gill-man t-shirt without getting any jerky comments from people.

    I say nuts to judgmental people, especially on Halloween.

  • I agree with the post:) Subscribed and am following you!!:)

    Thanks for the giveaway!

  • Mary:

    Done! The costumes I find even worse are like slutty Freddy Krugerette. Doesn’t even make sense! πŸ™‚ I saw some worse ones for guys this year, complete with plastic, um…appendages (and I’m not talking extra arms or legs).

    Following you on Twitter, Facebook & tweeted this post. Woo!

    • C.W. LaSart:

      Haha! I have seen neither the Kruegerettes (what the hell?) or the….um…guys with extra endowments! Thanks for the comment!

  • Jennifer S:

    A girl after my own heart! I have never understood why Halloween turned into a “let’s see who can dress the sluttiest” contest.

    I am following you here,
    on FB (Jennifer Railey Smith)
    on twitter (lilmamaj81)
    I retweeted the contest http://twitter.com/#!/lilmamaj81/status/129547144871940096
    and i shared your post about the blog hop on FB http://www.facebook.com/lilmamaj81/posts/293918320625863

  • Hope:

    Hilarious post. Back in my early 20’s I did the french maid once. Never again. What was I thinking???

    I have subscribed. Work blocks facebook and twitter, so I’ll try to remember to follow you tonight when I get home.

    Thanks!

  • Deb:

    Too funny!!….Always enjoy reading anything on your site!! πŸ˜‰

  • Stephanie Cook:

    This sounds interesting. I did start following you so I hope to hear awesome stuff from you.

  • miki:

    can i hope this giveaway to be open to international follower too?
    i follow by email

  • Jerry:

    Hi C.W. Lasart; I’m Julie Jansen’s dad swinging by to say that I enjoyed your blog post. I wish you and your family a most wonderful Halloween!

    Jerry

    • C.W. LaSart:

      Thanks Jerry! You must be very proud to have such a wonderful daughter. She has worked so very hard to make this coffin hop a success πŸ™‚ A very Happy Halloween to you as well!

  • Yeah, I definitely share your annoyance with these “costumes.” I don’t just blame the people who wear them, though — have you walked into a Halloween store lately? There’s practically nothing *but* sexy costumes for women. Society is going to hell, get off my lawn, etc., etc.

    Subscribed to your site in Google Reader. Looking forward to future rants. πŸ™‚

    • C.W. LaSart:

      You know Michael, you have a good point. πŸ˜‰ And I also share the irritation about people on my lawn! Thanks for following and I look forward to ranting at you πŸ™‚

  • Denise Z:

    Well at least you did not make me write a Haiku LOL Buttons I can push and share about awesome posts and reads, but there are times when I am intimidated by awesome writers and my creativity gets constipated OMG, I actually just said that. Just so you know I am a bookjunkie who loves getting free s### and following authors on their journey. Thank you for the fun and giggles. I signed up for your newsletter and look forward to reading more from you. I also signed up for twitter (@ZDz59001) and tweeted about this hoot of a time, as well as liked you facebook page and yea yea yea g+. Maybe I went a little overboard? Happy Halloween!

    dz59001[at]gmail[dot]com

    • C.W. LaSart:

      LOL Denise! I hear you about the Haiku thing-damn you Axel Howerton! If you are intimidated by great writers, you have nothing to worry about here. I am mediocre at best πŸ˜‰ Thanks for all the “overboard”! I will make sure you get the extra credit in the drawing!

  • Ugh, I hate slutty costumes, too!!! WTF is wrong with these girls – how is it fun to look like a cheap hooker??

    Happy Halloween and let’s scare the shit out of people, hehe…

    (already following you on Twitter, and following your blog, too:)

    a.

  • Shadow:

    Happy Halloween! Thanks for the awesome giveaway!
    subscribed to your blog
    fb- shadow kohler
    twitter- LuvToRead09
    shadowluvs2read(at)aol(dot)com

  • I just signed up! thanks for offering the sweet swag!!

    Erik

    balitiger at yahoo dot com

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