CW LaSart

Danse Macabre Click Here for accompanying music!

In the interest of fairly using the images below and not being sued for all the money I don’t have, clicking each costume will take you directly to the site where you can buy it! See, it’s actually free advertising 🙂

WELCOME Boils and Ghouls! We are so pleased you could join us for the Coffin Hop. Over the next week, many talented professionals from the horror world will be doing what they can to terrify, amuse or entice you-all the while, offering contests and giveaways to make your Halloween special. I will be giving away a fun package consisting of an Ad Nauseam coffee mug, a signed copy of Dark Moon Presents Zombies! and other tokens of Halloween delight. Keep reading to find out how to enter!

*WARNING This post is not meant for sexy goth girls, strippers or hookers! You dress this way everyday*

Those familiar with this blog, know that this is the time when I start talking about what scares me or just plain pisses me off. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my friends, so today I’m going to chat with you about something that really chaps my ass about Halloween these days. This has always been my most sacred of all holidays, the most highly anticipated night of the year since I was a wee child. Candy and costumes, wandering around after dark on a school night with friends, dressing up as whatever monster or spook you could talk your mother into doing the makeup for. What’s not to love about Halloween? School parties where my own Mom would dress as the Bride of Frankenstein and hand out treats and cups of witch’s brew, complete with a cauldron boiling smoke from a chunk of dry ice. Even as a teen, when I was much too cool to go Trick-Or-Treating, I still enjoyed dressing up as a zombie and scaring the kids who knocked at my door. Never once have I bitched upon seeing the decorations show up in the stores, the way we do when we see Christmas lights in November. No “Are you kidding me? ALREADY?” I love Halloween. I really do.

I spent the usual amount of time on last year’s costume. A good deal of makeup, custom fangs and colored contacts though less blood than I would’ve liked, but hey, I work in a restaurant. The whole ensemble came across as a sort of New Orleans Voodoo Vampire Queen. It wasn’t as complex as the Zombie Prom Queen from the year before, but I was proud of it. Lou donned his coveralls (he even rolled on the garage floor for authenticity) and his deluxe Michael Myers mask and met me after my shift so we could go out to the bars for a few drinks and to take in all the other costumes. My delight turned sour the second we stepped foot in the first bar. Good God! I had to look twice to make sure I hadn’t wandered into the local strip club! Never in my life had I seen so many half naked women when there was frost on the ground! It was like Spring Break gone horribly wrong (more than usual even!). I quickly ran through every Halloween song I could remember, witches, ghosts, ghouls, vampires, but not a single one mentioned sluts! It is the season for horrors, not whores!

Before you all start thinking I’m hating on the hot chicks, I’m not. First of all, the majority of the naughty nurses, sexy cops and faux french maids that are running around, DO NOT look anything like these models. Oh no, there is no shortage of stuffed bras and cellulite riddled thighs on display. And once again, I am not hating on women who aren’t perfect. Hell, I’m not perfect. And now you will say I am trying to hate on women’s sexuality. Once again, no. I can get my freak on with the best of them! Just ask Captain Louie about his Saucey Wench, or better yet, don’t! It’s none of your damned business anyways 🙂

I have no problem with women who have a healthy love of their bodies, celebrating their own sexiness, but why do they all think that Halloween is an excuse to dress like harlots? Even women who aren’t normally inclined to dress in such a manner, often come wandering in the door in little more than their underwear. I guess I’m a bit of a snob. I don’t see the problem with dressing sexy on Halloween, so long as your costume is at least scary. I have seen my share of erotic vampires and witches. I’m okay with those. I saw a gal dressed as a zombie once with the most impressive rotting bossom. Nothing wrong with that. Halloween can be sexy, heck yeah it can! But there are limits ladies. It’s not an excuse to wear your lingerie and nothing else. And the occasional playboy bunny or cheerleader is alright (actually, cheerleaders can be downright terrifying) but things are getting a bit overdone. Last year I visited 8 bars. EIGHT! And you know what? I was the only vampire. I counted one witch, NO damned zombies and not a single Jason Vorhees. What is this world coming to? The most irritating part was the fact that almost none of the men wore costumes at all! Why should they? They were just there for the parade of flesh, hoping to pick up an inebriated nurse or intoxicated cheerleader on their way out the door.

This is more than a rant. I have a practical purpose to my bitching. You could even call this a Public Service Announcement! There are some inherent dangers that come with this alarming trend. Forget for a moment that it’s October and you run the risk of freezing off your, um, goods.  But as you stumble towards the dancefloor with your randy partner too close behind, you are wearing a skirt so short that should you misstep in those stripper heels and stumble for even a second, he is certain to be ALL up in your business, ensuring that the only Halloween costume you will be purchasing next year will be size 0-3 months! And the most important thing? Anyone who knows anything about horror, knows that the first one to get killed when the slasher comes calling, is the gal in the slutty costume! When it comes down to Run Bitch, Run! you can’t, having traded in your more sensible shoes for 6 inch porn star stillettos and a skirt so short that if you bend over, you will show off your who-who. So one way or another, you’re screwed!

There are 364 other days of the year to dress like a slut. Well okay, 362 because no one does that shit on Christmas or Thanksgiving…then again, there’s Easter too. Okay so there’s LOTS of other occasions to dress as scantily as possible, most of them during the summer, but New Years Eve is always a cold weather option! If you want to make Halloween sexy, try a little witch dress or vamp gown. Leave the French Maid and the Naughty Nurse in the bedroom. Keep it scary, will ya? And be safe. If not, we will miss you when the killer mounts your head on a pike. Well, not so much us ladies, but I’m sure the guys will.

Now that you’ve read the blog, here’s where you sign up for the contest! All I ask of each of you is that you subscribe to my blog (not just the comments) and leave a comment below to let me know you did. That’s it and your name goes in the hat! Should you want a better chance at winning you can do as follows for extra entries into the pot: Follow me on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, Tweet a link to this blog (include my name @CWLaSart) or share one of my facebook posts! Don’t forget to include the extras you did in your comment! Thanks for stopping by and you can resume the Coffin Hop by clicking the picture to the left! Remember, the more sites you visit, the more FREE SHIT you could win! Stay scared my friends.~C.W. LaSart